Did I forget V-Day? Yes.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not usually detached from reality. I do strike a decent work-life balance (about 50/50 each). But problem is that ratio of Professional time to Personal time would be more accurately labeled 50% Professional "Mommy" and 50% Personal "Mommy" ... with ALL of my Personal time going toward childrearing and nothing left for my dear hubby.
There's no excuse for it. I recognize there is a problem with this scenario. But I'm not sure what to do about it ... and even worse, in my mind, I'm somewhat justified.
You see, I've been ramping up for a humongous business model overhaul in my law practice, and between the staffing shifts, systematizing, content creation, and coaching calls with my professional mentor ... I've created a whole new entity that didn't functionally exist before. Because this business is my brain child, no one else can do it except me, and I feel like IF I step away (even for a moment), it could take a fatal tumble and never recover.
Ironically, that is almost the same for my actual child. Although he's an toddler now (25 months) I am still a full-time mother, devoted to hands-on parenting without the use of institutionalized daycare. I'm raising him bilingually, and thanks to our daily work with amazing programs like Kindermusik and YourBabyCanRead, he's actually years ahead of his age group ... and I'm fiercely committed to his growth.
So, I'm "Mommying" fulltime in my worklife, and "Mommying" fulltime in my homelife, and focusing all my time and energy on cultivating these two small beings that can't fend for themselves yet. Whereas, (in my mind) my hubby is a "big boy", and can "take care of himself".
Was V-Day really something that my hubby would get his boxers in-a-bunch about? ... Hardly.
My husband is a man's man. He doesn't break a sweat on a 400 lb. bench-press, but when you start a conversation about "feelings" he suddenly needs some air. So I really took a moment to analyze my relationship approach when he made a comment about something as "silly" as Valentines Day. But it wasn't about Valentines Day .... it was about the relationship that is represented by ValentinesDay.
To his credit, I don't acknowledge him enough. I'm a "big vision" person, and when I'm marinating in some big new idea, he picks-up the household pieces that fall through the cracks. When I'm up against a work deadline, he steps-in and manages the cooking/cleaning/bathtime/bedtime and mommy duties. I sometimes take for granted that he "gets" what I'm trying to accomplish and why, or that he understands my quest for professional growth.
And this is one of the biggest lamentations that I hear from fellow MOMtrepreneurs...
... how to balance the traditional "mommy/wife" role with the modern professional role? The answer is "carefully and with lots of help!" While time-hacks do help me accomplish more with my day, my husband will tell you that I have an infuriating tendency to fill that "extra" time with more work. I justify it to myself because I'm passionate to achieve as much as possible as quickly as possible ... but undeniably and inevitably, my husband picks-up some of my resulting household slack.
While most of us would posit "that's just what spouses are supposed to do," as busy professionals we cannot deny that we couldn't accomplish what we are, without the love and support of our other halves. Whether it's once a year on a commercial holiday, or once a week on "Date Night", we need to take every available opportunity to remind our household support systems/families/spouses that we appreciate their efforts and sacrifice. We need to share in an expression of thankfulness for a partner who stands by our professional dreams.
So actually, a "silly" holiday like Valentines Day isn't so silly after all ...
... because as a hard-charging femme professional, it forces me to slow down and take a moment to recognize the romance in my life. It is a bright red heart-shaped reminder that I haven't said "I love you for sharing my vision" as often as I should. It's a symbol of a larger dynamic of mutual respect and involuntary sacrifice by my spouse, while I take time away from my romantic relationship and instead invest it in the formative years of my "brain child" and my real child.
What does love look like in your world?
